First of all, I would like to clarify what I said in my last post. By saying that I was going to guard my heart, I meant that I will be more careful with who I entrust it to, not that it is hardening or that I will not let anyone in. I just love people too much and am hurt too often when they leave or hurt me. One of the many things that God drilled into my mind and heart last night was that I don’t need anyone but Him and that He is jealous of my attention because I have been too dependent on others recently.
A dream I had last week confirmed this. At least I think so.
In the extremely vivid dream, I was kidnapped and thrown into a van. I saw a house out the window and felt a sense of peace about that place. I needed to get there. I jumped out of the moving vehicle, clutching a stack of papers. The van stopped. The kidnappers got out and started chasing me. They were gaining on me because the papers were weighing me down. I dropped them and ran, but immediately felt uncomfortable so I went back to pick them up but was kidnapped again.
I explained this dream to my dad and being the awesome man he is, he gave me his interpretation. “It probably means that you need to leave those bad friends and your past behind and move on.”
As I mentioned before, Saturday night was a rough night. I found out that several of my friends had decided to stop talking to me so I said some things I shouldn’t have and they did so in return. My friend texted me that night asking me how I was doing and I was honest in saying that I was not doing well. She said that I had been on her heart lately and asked if she could send some prophetic encouragement my way so of course I complied. A picture that she had for me was this:
“A little boy and a lone wolf. I felt like you thought you were the wolf, but God’s saying no, you’re the little boy and He’s sent you protection. Don’t be afraid or feel alone. He has not sent you to a ‘wilderness’ to feel alone and see how empty it is but rather to show you how close He is and because He is jealous of your attention.”
That didn’t sink in until last night. I was at small group and the Holy Spirit showed up very heavily, encountering each person in the group so that we just had to sit there and soak it in for over an hour.
I had several visions during that time.
In one, I saw God hugging me. A big hug where he put my head on his shoulder and cradled me like a son. Sitting in a room full of people at my small group, tears began streaming down my face uncontrollably. It wasn’t sobbing, but a soft cry as I was reminded of how much God loves me.
The second vision I had is difficult to describe but means a lot to me. I saw multiple stone slabs hanging from the ceiling. They were blocking my view and were all I could see. On them were images and words relating to my past and things I currently struggle with. At once, they all separated and I walked through. My thoughts ont this are that God doesn’t want anything to come between He and I and that He has the power to take them away.
The final vision that I had was similar to one I had over a year ago at OneThing. God’s hand reached into my chest and pulled out my heart, which had black tar on parts of it. In one swipe, he wiped them away. A cleansing immediately occurred within my heart.
After this night, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. Throughout the past week, God has brought me to a point where I want nothing but Him. Temptations and struggles are fading away and I am content with what He wants to do. I will listen obey. I will follow where He leads.
The Holy Spirit has been moving a lot in me lately and He keeps reminding me of His presence. It is incredible and I am working on carrying the presence with me everywhere I go.
You can experience this too. You can feel the Holy Spirit and hear God’s voice. It is simply a deeper intimacy with God. Ask Him for it. Ask Him to increase your sensitivity to the Spirit and ask Him to reveal Himself to you in new ways. Above all, remember how much He loves you and desires a deeper intimacy with you. You are his child. He loves you and is jealous for you.